So the part period i've been living the life of a machine. Working day and night and not getting any rest. It kinda feels good to be able to just pass out once you lay your head down... No thinking, no memories, no mind games, just switch OFF! or it actually WAS nice... Cause it's just stopped working. The stupid mind started working overtime. And it's fucking me up bigtime.
I admit i'm lonely, and it's the worst kind of loneliness ever. The kind that you just can't find a solution for, not a solution you like or are willing to take anyways. I guess i'm just used to the illusion of having someone in my life. The fake sense of the fake possibility of being taken care of emotionally. And now it's not there anymore. And even if it were i don't want it to be fake anymore. I don't wanna give endlessly and be taken for granted anymore. I wanna be on the receiving end for a change. I'm sick of loving unconditionally and wanna be loved and cared for unconditionally no matter how i act or what i do.
I'm seriously feeling angry at myself for wasting so much time of my life being taken for granted, being your whore. Simply because it's not really fulfilling ... I mean look at how empty i feel now ... So empty i doubt anything would be enough.
I need some serious pampering
Over'n'out